I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
