all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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