it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize