I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You took a bar mat shot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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