Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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