every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
