yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
