This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
