the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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