There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
