I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
