So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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