Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize