Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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