How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
