just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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