My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize