Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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