I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
