I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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