i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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