dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
