I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
