your thong is hanging out like whoa
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
