TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
