I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
