My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
