i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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