I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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