Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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