So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
