Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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