This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
