woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
