I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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