Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
