you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
