I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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