Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
