I bet he comes in French.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
