You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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