wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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