if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
