Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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