I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
