i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
