Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize