i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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