yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
