apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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