Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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