Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
