my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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