we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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