I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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