WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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