Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
