i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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