Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
