ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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