So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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