True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
