Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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