Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
