you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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