I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
