So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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