i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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