just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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