imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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