I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
