I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
