My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
