she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
