DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's official drugs can't kill me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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