I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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